he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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