Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
