my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
