She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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