We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
