I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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