My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
