by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
