were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
