Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
false alarm. still invincible.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just high enough for therapy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
