Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
