You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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