But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
