I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
