yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
