god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
