mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
