Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
