My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
