my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
