So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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