Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
