i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
