Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
