the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
