census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
