I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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