If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
