we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
