The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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