my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
