Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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