I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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