I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Welp...herpes.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
His nipple licking is glorious
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