tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
