I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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