Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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