Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
