my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
