I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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