Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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