Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
