Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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