cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
