What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
