I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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