Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
