dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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