I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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