I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
