DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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