Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
