Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
