woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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