She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
