Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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