So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
