I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
